My Story

What it was like

This is me when I had 6 months

Taken in January of 2004

I started drinking at the age of 13. I consumed an entire bottle of plum sake and half of a bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream. Later that evening I blacked out and the next morning I was scolded by my mother for drinking. I did not drink again for at least 6 months. At the age of 14, I moved to Houston where I discovered cocaine and LSD. In July of 1998 I went on a cocaine binge and moved in with my dealer. My father tracked me down and ordered me to come home immediately. After much protest I agreed that it was time to come home and he came to get me. After he picked me up he realized that I had recently taken LSD so he called a friend in AA who took care of me until I came down. My drug dealer’s home was raided by the DEA a few days later and I have not seen him since. After that incident I went back to my mother’s house in Huntsville and did not use drugs again for several years. When it came time for high school I decided that I didn’t fit in so I talked my mom into letting me be home schooled. Later, I ended up going to public high school for a semester and then decided to get my GED. I went to massage therapy school in 2001 where I rediscovered cocaine. I could party all night with friends and then keep going though the day with cocaine. This was also when I discovered ecstasy/MDMA. Once a week or so, my friend and I would host parties with ecstasy, whip-its and the occasional bag of crystal meth. After about 3 months the person I was living with and I had a falling out and I moved into my own apartment near downtown Houston. My mother had paid 6 months of my rent and it was my responsibility to find a job and pay my bills. I found a job at a local coffee shop and things went great for about 2 weeks. Then, I figured I could throw my own parties like the ones I used to throw with my roommate. The parties were great until I started noticing that people in my life were beginning to think I had a problem. Around this time in November I entered my first long term relationship. This person moved in after only knowing me 2 weeks and we fell in love. I thought the person drank too much and the person thought I did too many drugs. We were two peas in a pod. After 3 months I quit my job and ran out of money so we decided it would be a good idea to move in with my ex…this was when the downward spiral truly began. I was smoking pot every day as well as occasionally using meth and ecstasy. This living arrangement lasted only a few months. We moved into a two bedroom apartment and then my massage therapy business took off. I was making 300 to 400 dollars weekly and spending all of my income on drugs. When rent was due I would call my mother and complain about how the person I was living with could not cover their half of the rent and she would provide it for me. During this period I turned 18 and discovered the club scene. My spouse and I were regulars at a local nightclub and would frequently invite the staff to come back to our place and party after the club closed around 3:30 or 4 AM. This pattern worked until June of 2002. We were out on a deer lease for the weekend and I drove off of a cliff on a four-wheeler and cracked the bone in my left thumb. I would never be able to work as a massage therapist again. Some friends from the night club offered me a job so I began working. This is where I stopped using meth for fun and started using it like a normal person would use coffee. At this point my spouse realized I was out of control and left me. It was not long before I was evicted and moved into my sister’s condo. She said I was welcome to stay there until I could get on my feet but she soon became annoyed with me and moved out of her own condo to live with her spouse. When she left I had the condo to myself and for the first time I began to use drugs by myself. It was no longer a social thing. At this point even I was aware that I had a problem. Living by myself worked until November of 2002 at which point my power was cut off because I never checked the mail and hadn’t paid the electric bill in 6 months. I found someone to stay with for a while and that was what I did until we had a falling out after only a few weeks. In December I went to my mom’s house for Christmas and then immediately drove back to my condo because I had to work at the night club the next day. At the condo I was using candles as a heat source as well as for light and somehow managed to catch my fleece pants and jacket that I had just gotten for Christmas on fire. This was probably another red flag that I had missed. Later that week at work I joked about it with my coworkers and we all laughed about it. In February of 2003 I shot up meth for the second time and was hooked. I somehow managed to get the power to the condo turned back on and invited the person who had taught me how to shoot up to come live with me. At this point in my life things went from bad to worse very quickly. We would pool are money that we had made that week in tips and buy enough meth to last us from Friday until Sunday morning. When this stopped working we started buying marijuana as well as wine to deal with weekdays. We had no money for food so we would ransack the condo for loose change and go buy cases of ramen noodles. We would eat usually 2 to 3 times a week because we were usually so high on meth that it was impossible to eat. In August of 2003 my grandmother died and I stole 300$ from my mother to go deal with her death the best way I knew how. I purchased 3.5 grams of meth and made my way back to the condo where I was living. I shot up the largest amount I had ever shot up before and it didn’t work. I could no longer get high. I kept trying 8 more days with alcohol, marijuana, xanex, meth, GHB, nothing worked. The party was over. On Thursday, August 14, 2003 I took my last drink. The following day I went to rehab began to work the steps.

What it is like now
After attending rehab in Stephenville, Texas I was discharged to a halfway house in north Houston. I began to develop friendships that would last a lifetime. I also began to take a good look at my past behavior what led up to my life becoming so unmanageable. After only being sober 1 and a half months I got a job working for the mental health department in the Harris County jail. They trained me on how to use Microsoft Works as well as the maintenance of basic office equipment (Fax machine, copier, printer, phones.) I began to realize that I was not a bad person I simply made some poor decisions. I got my first sponsee when I was a year sober and I took him through the steps. Our schedules began to conflict after several months of work so we decided it would be best to move on and he found another sponsor with a schedule more like his own. I worked the steps for the very first time when I had about 6 months sober and it was truly a liberating experience. I actually looked forward to making amends and cleaning up the wreckage of the past. In the summer of 2006 I decided to quit my job at the mental health department after 3 years of hard work and move to Lubbock. When I arrived I felt very alone and isolated. I no longer could go to coffee with my support group, the only contact I had with them was through email or by phone. After about a month of this I decided it was time to begin to build a new support group. I started going to meetings and made new friends. I found a new sponsor and am currently working on the 4th step with him. Moving to Lubbock has forced me to adapt to change as well as to keep contact with a new support group. I surround myself today with people who have what I want. I typically go to 4 or 5 meetings a week but in the past week I have gone to 10.
This Picture was taken April 1, 2007