Sunday, January 6, 2008

Happiness in pill form. So yeah I am back on Wellbutrin I think there is some kind of a placebo effect for me initially because I already feel a lot better. I feel more focused, alert, motivated, but not elevated. I’ve still made a meeting everyday this year. I am still flawed but that’s ok today. I think I was so distracted for so long with school, mom, relationships, and anything else I could get my hands on that I neglected my program. Now that I have no distractions for the moment it has been almost upsetting to remember that I too have issues. Oh well that’s all for now.
some say the road gets narrower as get more time, but sometimes i think the road just looks narrower because i am fatter. - friend of Bill

Reed

Saturday, January 05, 2008:

I find that the longer I stay sober the more unacceptable my defects of character become. Before I got sober when I was rude or antisocial or made a poor decision I could justify it by saying “I can’t help it! I have a drug problem!!” but today with a little over 4 years of sobriety I can’t blame the decisions I make or the way I act on anyone or anything. I guess I just find that when I hurt someone today it’s much more noticeable today. I recently made a bad judgment call and in the process I hurt someone I love very much. There is no way I can change what I did but I can try and amend my behavior so as to not let it happen again. Ok that’s all for now.


Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke. -- Lynda Barry

A new leaf

I think I am going to try something new with my gratitude list. Instead of rhyming 10 things that I am grateful for everyday, which I have not done in quite some time, I am just going to talk about where I am at in my recovery today. It is my belief that this will allow me to be much more honest and open about things and therefore be much more useful to my recovery.
Friday, January 04, 2008 I have made a meeting everyday this year. For me this is a big deal. I am not normally the type that goes to 7 meetings a week but I think part of my new year’s resolution will be to make more meetings. I seem to function better when I make meetings and I begin to feel connected to the AA of West Texas (never ever thought I would say that). Not that I have anything against West Texas AA but ok I do. Definitely something I need to work on. I just get a little upset when we have what I like to call a Jesus Christ meeting, that’s where someone mentions Jesus and the next ten people talk about how Jesus Christ is there personal Lord and savior. Oh well, it has defiantly helped me with my patience and tolerance. So today I guess today I am grateful for patience and tolerance.
Unprovided with original learning, unformed in the habits of thinking, unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book. -- Edward Gibbon