About Me

Lubbock (From Houston), Texas, United States
I am a recovering addict/alcoholic and have been sober since 8/15/2003

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Im back!!!

Well, I survived my road trip and had a wonderful time. I am not really sure what I was looking for when I left Lubbock in mid May but I knew I was missing something. After arriving in Dillon, Montana and spending a day with my mother I knew something was wrong. I could not put my finger on it but i was sure she was hiding something from me. After hours prying, she finally spilled her guts and let me know what was going on. At this point she decided that she wanted to go away for a day or 2 until things cooled off around town. After spending several hours with her in the car she opened up to me and I actually had the opportunity to be of service to her. Are relationship is usually a one way street, she is usually the wise sage and I am the humble student seeking her advice on everything from pot roasts to who I should vote for in the next election. After giving her some good old AA/Alanon advice I realised that our relationship would never be the same again. I have finally found what I have been craving for as long as I have been sober. An adult relationship with my mother. I am still new at it and every time she calls me for advice I am still a little weirded out. I guess I am at the point in recovery where I have enough experience in life that I can actually provide practical advice to others. What a wonderful place to be.Getting sober at 19 I never really felt like I had enough life experience to be able to relate to most other alcoholics. Now at 23 I have experience with all sorts of life situations and dilemmas. It good to finally feel like I have something good contribute to the world. God knows I took for so long it is about time I started giving back. That's all for now.

Reed Jackson

Sunday, May 6, 2007

The Trigger

I am not sure what is happening, but I feel compelled to write something. I was recently reminded that I am still an addict and am not sure what to make of it. My coworker was once a meth cook (he used to make meth) and was discussing it with me last week. With almost four years of sobriety I think I should be more recovered than I am. I still can’t really talk about meth because when I do I literally salivate. This last time with my coworker instead of fantasizing about how I could get away with using one more time, I immediately was very fearful of the consequences of using again. I guess that is progress. On the topic of emotions I also feel very broken. I go through periods of intense emotions usually lasting no more than a month, and then go through a period of total detachment usually lasting at least 2 months. The more meetings I go to the more aware I become of this defect. My schedule is completely screwed up as well. Class is over and I have finals this week. Then I have 3 weeks of nothing to do. I am thinking of going to Montana. I find peace there. They only have a few meetings a week so I am not as active in AA when I am there but I feel like it heals my soul. I guess I am also trying to define the god of my own understanding and without an instruction manual (bible or big book) it is very difficult. I am taking a class in the fall called “the philosophy of religion” maybe that will provide me with some guidance. I have found neither the bible nor the church helpful in this search for meaning in my life. I feel closest to god when I drive, usually long distances, by myself. That’s all for now.

Love and Service,
Reed

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

For the idea of altruism
For accepting my alcoholism
For money in the bank
That I no longer shoot crank
For being done with English 1 as of 5:00 p.m.
For not coughing up phlegm
For work never being truly done
For a chance to be a better son
For the power of prayer
That I no longer consider myself a player
Pray for my Aunt (battling this disease)
Help me keep an open mind and stay focused
Quote of the day:
The Argument from Intimidation is a confession of intellectual impotence.
Ayn Rand, The Virtue of Selfishness, 1964US (Russian-born) novelist (1905 - 1982)
The quality of a person's life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.
Vincent T. Lombardi

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

For moms birthday (Happy Birthday Mom)
For surviving a busy day
For meeting new peeps
That i no longer give my self the creeps
For finals that i take before finals week
That my still a freak
For down time at home
That im not a gnome (im not sure how i would handle that)
For my puppy dogs that never talk back
That I rarely feel compelled to talk smack
Pray for peace (not war James)
Help me grow
Quote of the day:
In heaven all the interesting people are missing. -- Friedrich Nietzsche