Depression is something I have always struggled with even before i started using drugs. It comes to me slowly and steadily like a tide coming into the beach. Gradually moving closer and closer. I feel as if my world is turning greyer and greyer by the day. Every morning when I wake up life around me looses a little more color. I didn't notice it at first because it difficult for me to admit that even after almost 4 years in recovery I still battle with depression. I feel that I should be cured of all my ailments. I should be a sun beam for Jesus and walking in the sunlight of the spirit. But, no I am still a dope fiend and a drunk who loves to be alone in a crowed room. I am not sure why I am even talking about this ( I never have before) but I have a feeling that once i get it all out and in public view my depression will no longer control me. Other than the depression life has been a cake walk. I have broken up with my partner after 2 years and have some how managed to maintain composure during the whole ordeal. He on the other hand did not and for this I feel very guilty. I still feel compelled to be the man. All tuff and stone faced. never allowing myself to feel a single emotion. Oh well that's all for now.
Love and service,
Reed Jackson
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
I just wanna hug you.
Feel what you must, but guilt should not play a role. You're living life the best you can and that's what our HP wants us to do.
Hi
After 38 years as a Physiatrist I put up my own websites.
They are two free sites.
One [http://www.myRay.com ] is dedicated to help sufferers of Emotional Stress. People, who feel depressed, stressed or anxious yet they are still functioning.
Sufferers of Emotional Stress can and will eventually suffer from Depression and Anxiety. They enjoy a persistent poor quality of life. myRay http://www.myRay.com
can correct this.
My other free site http://www.MyDoctorExplains.com explains all you need to know about feelings, thoughts, emotions, moods, depression, anxiety, what they mean, what you can do and how you can choose.
Both sites, http://www.myRay.com and http://www.MyDoctorExplains.com are free. They are designed to help you.
Use them as often and as long as you so wish.
I hope that they will be of assistance.
With kindest regards
Dr. Michael Benjamin,
Psychiatrist
Dear Reed,
About 3 years ago I dropped into a black hole – four months of absolute terror. I wanted to end my life, but somehow [Holy Spirit], I reached out to a friend who took me to hospital.
I had three visits [hospital] in four months – I actually thought I was in hell.
I imagine I was going through some sort of metamorphosis [mental, physical & spiritual]. I had been seeing a therapist [1994] on a regular basis, up until this point in time.
I actually thought I would be locked away – but the hospital staff was very supportive [I had no control over my process].
I was released from hospital 16th September 2004, but my fear, pain & shame had only subsided a little. I remember this particular morning waking up [home] & my process would start up again [fear, pain, & shame].
No one could help me, not even my therapist [I was terrified]. I asked Jesus Christ to have mercy on me & forgive me my sins.
Slowly, all my fear has dissipated & I believe Jesus delivered me from my “psychological prison.” I am a practicing Catholic & the Holy Spirit is my friend & strength; every day since then has been a joy & blessing.
I deserve to go to hell for the life I have led, but Jesus through His sacrifice on the cross, delivered me from my inequities. John 3: 8, John 15: 26, are verses I can relate to, organically.
He’s a real person who is with me all the time. I have so much joy & peace in my life, today, after a childhood spent in orphanages.
God LOVES me so much. Fear, pain, & shame, are no longer my constant companions. I just wanted to share my experience with you [Luke 8: 16 – 17]. I was saved, I am saved, and I am being saved. Yes, but only God knows who they are.
I, MICKY, AM A GIFT TO ALL PEOPLE
Dear Reed,
I would suggest you stay clear of Dr Michael Benjamin Mb.Ch.B. BSc. From my experience, most psychiatrists are emotionally shutdown & operate from their heads. Benjamin can't even spell-- "Physiatrist": PSYCHIATRIST.
I wonder if Benjamin is a Christian?
I, MICKY, AM THE HOLY ONE OF GOD.
Post a Comment