Depression is something I have always struggled with even before i started using drugs. It comes to me slowly and steadily like a tide coming into the beach. Gradually moving closer and closer. I feel as if my world is turning greyer and greyer by the day. Every morning when I wake up life around me looses a little more color. I didn't notice it at first because it difficult for me to admit that even after almost 4 years in recovery I still battle with depression. I feel that I should be cured of all my ailments. I should be a sun beam for Jesus and walking in the sunlight of the spirit. But, no I am still a dope fiend and a drunk who loves to be alone in a crowed room. I am not sure why I am even talking about this ( I never have before) but I have a feeling that once i get it all out and in public view my depression will no longer control me. Other than the depression life has been a cake walk. I have broken up with my partner after 2 years and have some how managed to maintain composure during the whole ordeal. He on the other hand did not and for this I feel very guilty. I still feel compelled to be the man. All tuff and stone faced. never allowing myself to feel a single emotion. Oh well that's all for now.
Love and service,
Reed Jackson
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
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